“It’s not about me… It’s not about me… It’s not about me…” Every single day, I have to remind myself of this because I seem to forget it. Thinking about others and putting them first isn’t natural. However, at the end of the day, doing what I want, when I want, is meaningless. And so, here are four things I’ve learned during my first year in the Dominican Republic and my first eight months of marriage.
1. Have patience. Be patient. Choose to be patient.
If I got frustrated every time a bus driver stopped the bus to add more gel to his hair or buy a lottery ticket, I would be miserable. And it would be my fault. I could try to blame the driver (who took Mariano and I twenty minutes away from the police station after he said he would take us TO the location…) for my bitterness, but I was the one who let it bother me. Mariano laughed and laughed about the situation while I cried until he made me laugh too. Patience is a choice and I cannot be patient without God’s help.
2. Relax and chill out sometimes.
I’m accustomed to being on time. My idea of “being on time” means getting to the gym at 4 PM because that’s what time it starts. It means walking through that small green door no later than 4 PM, no matter what. If I’m running late, I panic inside. When we helped Wendy move into her new apartment, I left before we finished the job in order to avoid being late to the gym. Some mornings I don’t have time to get ready for school, talk to Mariano, AND arrive before 7:45 AM. So I don’t get to talk to Mariano as long as I would like to. Of course, we find another time to have our conversation but sometimes I feel like I’m losing something for the sake of “being on time.”
The longer I live in the Dominican Republic, the more I question my ways. Should I be prioritizing punctuality over people? The bus drivers are almost always late. They stop in the middle of the street to talk to their companions and don’t give it a second thought. Is it really the worst thing in the world if I’m late to work one day a year? When I die, will I regret being late or regret not spending more time with my friends and family?
3. Give grace upon grace upon grace.
This doesn’t mean forgiving those who continue to hurt us time and time again, showing no signs of changing. Instead, it means I’m not responsible for punishing my husband when he hurts me, nor am I in charge of giving him what I think he deserves when he wrongs me. Jesus has given me more grace than I will ever deserve, so I can give that same grace to Mariano. Or at least do my best. It’s my job to love him and let God do the rest.
4. True joy comes from the Lord.
I’ve seen Dominicans who know Jesus and they’re the most joyous people I’ve ever come across. Many live in tiny wooden houses with dirt floors, unreliable electricity, passing days without running water, no refrigerators, and no vehicles. Yet they give thanks for what God has given them. Their attitude of gratitude gives them strength.
I, on the other hand, cry when a mosquito bites me. To be fair, I break out in hives from their saliva now, but still. I need to remember to be thankful for what God has given me and focus on that. Mariano and I have screens on all our windows, hot water in our apartment, and everything we need.
I suppose I haven’t fully grasped any of these lessons yet. I’m still learning, but God is my strength each day. It’s up to me to choose whether I’m going to rely on Him.
“Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances;
for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.”
(1 Thessalonians 5:16-18)
How NOT to Ride the Little Bus (Guagua) in San Pedro de Macorís
A wonderful reminder how to live each day, with patience and grace.