I never believed in fairy tales. The love stories of Cinderella and Rapunzel seemed silly. If I had to wait for a prince to rescue me before experiencing perfect love, I wanted nothing to do with it. I didn’t want my happiness to depend on a guy. Besides, my existence had a purpose with or without a boy.
My skepticism continued to grow after reading Romeo and Juliet in high school. I couldn’t figure out why the drama was still famous years later or why people kept reading it. The two teenagers insisted upon having honest love for one another after staring into each other’s eyes for a moment. One minute later they declared their passion, although they learned nothing about the other and Romeo could have been a murderer. Then they ended up killing themselves because they couldn’t imagine moving on without the individual they met four days earlier. Whatever they felt wasn’t love.
I don’t remember seeing any examples of a faithful, Godly marriage growing up either. No devoted couples respected and honored their relationship. In fact, many adults appeared to be miserable together. They bragged about the length of their union while overlooking the fact that it wasn’t a fulfilling one. To me, husbands and wives said they loved each other with words but didn’t always show it. They were just two people who lived and did life together by choice.
Therefore, I didn’t quite understand what love was. I didn’t see men affectionately embracing their wives or women respecting their husband’s leadership. People didn’t share their relational problems with me so I didn’t know how they solved them. I didn’t witness respectful discussions resulting in compromises. I had no idea how a man sacrificed for his wife or how she sacrificed for her husband. Maybe loving marriages existed, but I was too oblivious or perhaps too focused on myself to notice.
I don’t know how it happened, but something warped my view of love. Then my perception became further distorted after entering a relationship with someone who didn’t know how to love. He said he loved me with his mouth while contradicting himself with his actions. He claimed to love me while spending all his time and energy working. He told me he loved me but didn’t consistently show it. I didn’t question his loyalty or devotion because I figured this was normal. I was wrong.
First, love doesn’t lie. For me, one lie is enough to end any relationship or friendship these days. If a person will deceive you once, chances are they won’t have a problem doing it again. Also, when someone only tells you what they think you want to hear, they aren’t being straightforward. Love is honest and worthy of trust. I would rather receive the truth even though it hurts.
Second, love isn’t jealous. When someone says they love you so much they want you all to themselves, they are being greedy. If they are envious of the time you spend with others, they probably view you as an item they own and don’t want to share. You are not a human being.
Also, actual love doesn’t ignore healthy boundaries but fake love violates them. People who don’t care about you consume your time and energy without offering you anything in return. They won’t acknowledge your need for alone time or value your space. These types of people will dismiss every line you have drawn and continue to do so as long as you let them. However, those who love you will adhere to your boundaries. They will protect you, want you to feel safe, and desire what is best for you.
Last, genuine love is sacrificial, not selfish. When a person loves you, they will be inconvenienced for your sake. If you call them in the middle of the night because of a nightmare you had, they listen without complaining. They will gladly help you and receive nothing in response.
True love isn’t supposed to hurt. Someone who cares for you won’t reject you, ignore you, refuse to talk to you, manipulate you, make you feel guilty, or confuse you. Love itself doesn’t hurt, but people who don’t know how to love will harm you. Have the courage and strength to walk away from relationships lacking respect. Search for humans who appreciate you because everyone deserves steadfast love. Don’t waste your time on a worthless imitation of it.
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