I used to love wearing those comfortable slipper shoes. Mine were black and they looked kind of like moccasins with actual rubber soles like sneakers. One summer afternoon many years ago, my boyfriend and I went to the movies with my family. He began jokingly threatening to untie my shoelaces and continued to reach for my feet the entire drive to the theater. I genuinely didn’t want him to do this because I knew they would never be the same again. I told him I liked how both slippers were tied in the exact same manner and I didn't know how to tie them like the shoe people did when they packaged them in the box. I wanted my laces to be even.
When our car came to a stop in the parking lot, I got distracted for a second but it was enough. As I reached to open the door, my boyfriend swooped down and yanked the shoelace free. I stared in silence. I was in shock and utterly speechless. I didn’t know if I was upset or angry or sad or hurt. The look on my face must have been one of major disappointment, though, because he immediately apologized and promised to fix it. I told him it wasn’t necessary because it was just a shoelace and I would get over it. Besides, I knew the chances of getting the piece of string exactly how it used to be were slim to none. But he insisted on rectifying his mistake and spent almost forty-five minutes trying to tie it. Eventually, he gave up and missed virtually the whole movie.
As I thought about what happened later that night, I realized I wasn't upset about the shoelaces themselves. Sure, it bothered me a little that they were no longer the same, but I quickly got over it. What really bothered me was that I told him I didn't want him to untie the laces and he was compelled to do it solely because I didn't want him to. If I didn’t care about it, he probably would have lost interest and my slippers would still be identical. At that moment, he didn’t care about what I wanted. He didn't respect me and what was important to me.
Yet the minor incident was nothing compared to the actual problems of life. Just because he didn't listen to me about something as small as a slipper, didn't necessarily mean he would not listen and respect me when we had bigger issues to deal with. One event couldn’t be generalized to predict a future marriage. Additionally, it would have been a terrible reason to end an entire relationship. It would have been ridiculous for us to break up because of a shoe...
However looking back on this day after many years have passed, I realize it would not have been ridiculous for us to break up over a slipper. In this situation and with this particular person, I probably should have left because he untied my shoe. It was a warning sign of his inability to respect boundaries and blatant disregard for others, although I had no idea at the time. I recognize it now but how could I have known back then? It would have seemed absurd to end our relationship over such an insignificant object. I suppose I made the best decision I could have with the information I was given.
Don't make the same mistake I did. If you want to see if someone is a narcissist, uncommonly selfish, or simply not ready to be in a healthy relationship, give them the slipper test. Pay attention to how they respond to something that bothers you.
Get yourselves a real man (or woman) who respects you. A real man apologizes when he hurts your feelings. You shouldn't have to explain how you feel or defend yourself by describing why you feel a certain way. A real man tries to avoid doing things that he knows will upset you. Like untying your shoelace.
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