Individuals who live unrestricted, doing whatever they wish and only considering themselves, will never experience authentic freedom. I once knew a boy who attempted to live with no restrictions at all. He did everything he felt like doing, his emotions controlled him, and he craved instant gratification. He didn’t want a job to hold him back, but instead of being independent as he imagined, his lack of funds confined his way of life more than employment ever did. As a result, he was far from being genuinely free.
A serious addiction to pornography ended up costing him money, relationships, and a career. This obsession held him captive to his own selfish desires. He wanted to be “free” to lust after every woman he could find on the internet and get with any girl within reach, but this only intensified his hunger for more because each conquest brought temporary satisfaction. It was never enough. As he continued to grasp at this false sense of power, his life unraveled, making him a slave to his shameful decisions.
I’m free because my past cannot shame me.
He hid his past because of embarrassment or fear of ridicule. But I don’t have to. The mistakes I made didn’t diminish my value. There were situations I found myself in that had no favorable outcomes to choose from. I made the best selection I could have at the moment with the information others gave me. Sometimes I elected the only option I could live in peace with. Even then, the difficulty came when I was reminded of the decisions I made, forcing me to relive the past.
For this reason, I don’t understand why the only options for paperwork are single, married, or divorced. They need not remind me and operate as though being divorced is a permanent identity because it isn’t. If two people separate, once it happens the action is history and they become single again. It isn’t a continuous label or ongoing process, so I always mark the “single” box.
Perhaps our freedom depends on our ability to forgive ourselves for the choices we made, the moments we were naïve, or when we gave loved ones too many chances, allowing them to take advantage of us. Forgiving ourselves for mistakes we made lacking knowledge and insight or for letting childhood trauma impact our relationships. I’m learning how to extend grace to myself because God has already forgiven every lapse in judgment and all my insufficiencies. He is the reason I’m free of shame and regret.
I’m free to live without worrying about the unknown.
Sometimes we need to give ourselves a unique sense of closure after a terrible situation. Talking to the person who hurt us may not allow us to move forward. Instead, it might keep us stuck in the past and prevent our freedom. They might never offer a sincere apology for what they did, acknowledge how much they hurt us, understand how we felt, or take responsibility for their actions. If we expect to receive any of this, they hold the key to our happiness. Our joy shouldn’t depend on an individual who doesn’t even care for us. This gives them too much power. We cannot put our lives on hold, waiting for something that may never come.
Therefore, my freedom lies solely in my hands. If I’m determined to let go of bitterness, resentment, frustration, and suffering, then I can be free. God is in control, He serves justice on His terms, and trusting His timing gives me a sense of security no matter what happens. I’m able to appreciate life with myself without anxiety. I go to the movies alone and to restaurants just for dessert. I’m free to live without worrying about the future because stressing will change nothing and I refuse to let anyone hold me back.
I find unlimited freedom in following God’s restrictions rather than doing whatever I want. Making certain sacrifices and avoiding activities which delay healing are better for my life in the long run. I try not to use unhealthy coping mechanisms when I get stressed and strive to confront pain before it affects my future. I’m not bound by worries, addictions, fear, loneliness, or doubts, nor am I condemned and controlled by these oppressions. An unbelievable amount of peace protects me when life is harsh, which can only come from God. He is my deliverance. I’m free because Jesus died for me.
“In many areas of life, freedom is not so much the absence of restrictions as finding the right ones, the liberating restrictions.”
-Timothy J. Keller
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