What is wrong with being quiet, thoughtful, and reserved? As a teacher, I have listened to many parents voice their concerns about their quiet children, but why? Do parents of talkative and adventurous children worry about them? I don't think they do.
Over the years, dozens of people have asked me why I 'm quiet. I will never understand what motivates them to ask such an odd question. It is like asking me why I have two arms and two legs. And they ask as if there is something wrong with being quiet. I always respond by inquiring as to why they feel the need to talk and never stop. I have yet to receive an answer to my question, but it usually leaves them thinking.
I suppose I am quiet because the topic of my own life is utterly boring. People generally talk about themselves, but I tend to avoid this as much as possible. I do not want to go to work all day, come home, and live my life a second time by talking about it. Of course, I will tell my friends about funny stories or students’ humorous conversations, but most of the time I would rather not relive my experiences multiple times.
Even though I may be quiet, I am not shy. These are two completely different concepts. I love being in crowds and around people. Thankfully I have friends and family who let me silently show up and accept me for who I am. Most of the time, I am simply quiet because I do not like to talk and would rather listen to what my friends have to say. The eagerness to learn new things overrides my need to tell others information about myself.
In college, I had to pass a public speaking class in order to graduate. We needed to give two speeches in front of the class. We were given the freedom to choose a topic, but it had to be precisely five minutes long. Each week, my professor told us to be outgoing, tenacious, and excited. Being calm was not among the list of traits he was teaching us to obtain. The entire time, I was thinking to myself, “Why? Why do I need to be outgoing to deliver a successful speech?” I felt like a soft-spoken, but passionate speech would be equally effective.
Since this was the only topic I could think of, I decided to give my speech on the pros of being quiet. My brother suggested starting the speech by staring at everyone for a few seconds, which of course I did. He was joking, but it was perfect. Begin a speech about silence with several moments of silence. My mom gave me many of my talking points and Jesus gave me the strength to look my classmates in the eye as I presented my argument. I could not have done it without each of them.
The week before the final assessment, I recited my written speech countless times. I recorded myself over and over again, so I could see what needed to change. I knew my only chance of passing was to memorize the speech because once I got in front of my classmates, I would forget everything. I would lose any ability to think or process what was happening. I would only be able to speak what I had previously memorized.
On the last day of class, I stood in front of my classmates and told them the reasons being quiet was a good thing. They startled me when they laughed at a few of my stories and I nearly forgot what to say next. Thankfully, my professor was open-minded to opinions different from his own and I passed.
In graduate school, a fellow teacher and classmate once asked me why I was so quiet. She followed up with, “How can you be a teacher if you don’t talk?” After a moment of silence, debating whether or not to slap her, I politely smiled as I told her several reasons. For example, I explain information as succinctly as possible and my students do not get bored or zone out. I facilitate conversations so my students are able to practice talking in English. I encourage them to problem solve and guide classroom discussions. My students feel comfortable sharing their ideas with me because they know I will always listen and genuinely care what they have to say. I should have asked her how she expects her students to learn English and practice speaking the language if she is talking 100% of the time.
A year later, we were both interviewing for the same ESOL teaching position at the same school. I saw her on my way out of the building after meeting with the principal. A few days later, I got the call and was offered the position. I was in shock because I was not expecting it. I was thrilled to have been accepted, but I did not exactly want the position. That particular school was focused more on technology and less on English teaching. I ended up accepting an offer with a different school district.
The temptation to email my former classmate was real. I wanted to say, “Congratulations on being hired! You’re welcome!” I wanted to let her know that being loud is not the only requirement for being a teacher. Quiet souls can be successful teachers, too. In the end, I resisted the urge to say something. She did not know how to listen, anyway, and I never saw her again.
So, what is wrong with being quiet? Absolutely nothing.
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